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Tuesday, October 28th, 2008
12:55 am - Christian Quotes of Note (as gleaned by way of stalking them on their interwebs god-eyries):
"We should ask ourselves is what I'm wearing appropriate if Jesus were standing right next to me because He is."

"That is where the admonition to sit next to the smelly guy in church comes in."

"Women do differ from men when it comes to visual stimuli, but we're not immune. I had a male friend come to my house in a shirt that was partially sheer. I threw a towel over him and thanked him to keep his nipples to himself."

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Saturday, May 10th, 2008
10:18 am - "a shameless toady who sold his 'maverick' soul for a bloated, stinking elephant carcass"

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Monday, April 14th, 2008
5:36 pm - I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you
Photobucket

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Tuesday, April 8th, 2008
2:28 pm
Staunton smells like the sea today.

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Monday, April 7th, 2008
7:57 pm - Thesis defense
is over. It was the department of redundancy department, Kombucha-deprived by virtue of bad timing, suffered from an overabundance of 'Uhm' (quite different from 'Om'), an underabundance of information and coherency, and not Indiana Jones enough for my taste. But it is finished.

Also, now I have this cool new quote from Dr. Walker: "If you want to graduate, give me some pretzels."

This is the end. Am I a real person yet?

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Thursday, March 20th, 2008
8:33 pm - For those of you......

......who feel like meditating on the word 'poobah,' have at it.

It is a good word, is it not?

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Monday, March 17th, 2008
6:20 pm
Of all animals that could be hybred,* which would win? My bet is either on the the Crocophant or the Blue-Ringed Octosaurus. You? . . . Will Wigosaurus be a contender? You decide.Collapse )

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Sunday, March 16th, 2008
7:48 pm - Animal Planet is degenerating, maaaaaan....
So on Animal Planet right now, they're playing a show called 'After the Attack.' It features people who have been attacked by wild animals facing those animals to get over their residual fear. So far, there was a family that was attacked by a wolf at the beach, and now they are on a guy who was attacked by a bison at Yellowstone. Why was he attacked? Because, yes, he was one of those dumbasses you can spot every day at Yellowstone who competitively edge closer and closer to the gigantic wild beasts in order to get the CLOSEST PICTURE EVAAAAAAAR. He is now complaining that, while there is currently a ranger ordering people to back off from a herd of bison at the place where he was attacked, there was no one to warn tourists to keep their distance when he was attacked.

To all of you who have actually been to Yellowstone, you probably remember the THICK assortment of pamphlets and flyers distributed to everyone at all entrances to the park, featuring warnings in large print along with the detailed reasons behind not doing certain things and countless illustrations depicting the results of ignoring said warnings (basically, cartoon people being violently DESTROYED by every animal you can think of, as well as the one showing the tourist falling through the ground into a volcanic pit of boiling water as his sneakers melt).

He just said "I need to get over this, because now I am scared of buffalo and it made me feel like a dumbass." Go with the feeling.

...And now they are trying to get him over his fear of bison. By exposing him to tame ones and letting him pet them. WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS??? Isn't his fear of bison just a result of learning from things that happen, namely that bison are really fuckin' dangerous and you should leave them alone? Does he need to deal with bison on a regular, daily basis??? He's like an accountant or something. This isn't like trying to get him over a nonsensical pickle-phobia or something. The attack has probably only instilled in him the idea that you shouldn't get too close to bison because they can kill you; now this show is trying to turn that AROUND? 

He just said "I have come full circle, back to being this close to an animal......Being close to a big animal like that buffalo again....it was a thrill."   The narrator just said "This experience lets people turn a negative experience into an intensely positive one."  In other words, guess who wants to go mingle with bison again?

current mood: incredulous

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Friday, February 22nd, 2008
3:52 pm - "For dinner at Hunt today we're serving.....
meat, meatloaf, and butter."

I shit you not.

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Thursday, February 21st, 2008
8:11 pm - You know you've been in Grafton too long when.....

....it was above freezing when you went in, and when you leave there is snow everywhere. And it's no longer snowing.

So I have just tracked down and checked out 15 books that all have something to do with Islam or veils or whatever. Looking over them now, I'm pretty sure they're just 15 cleverly-disguised copies of the same book. They all seem to have only a couple of pages or so with relevant information, but ultimately that adds up to..... a lot of reading that I need to do. 

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Monday, February 18th, 2008
9:54 pm

there would be nowhere to put your hands when they are cold or when you want to look like james dean

there would be no place to put the things that are too important to throw away but not important enough to actually carry

there would be no making fun of men because that looks like they have a roll of quarters in their groin region; it is, in fact, that they are just 'happy to see you,' and the situation just got that much more awkward

there would be nowhere to immediately hide sketchy items when the cop/granny approaches "just to say hi"

there would be nowhere to discover money you forgot you had on your person

there would be no way to pull things from the region of your ass without getting some weird looks


a world without pockets would be sheer hell.

I'm starting an Ode to Pockets thread. If you feel like writing a haiku, limerick, sonnet, song, short story, epic novel, or anything else on this pinnacle of caucasion achievement (formally acknowledged as such by Ishi), then please, do it here.    

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Thursday, February 14th, 2008
5:15 pm - an ode to valentine's day (to be read contemplatively)
this february 14th 

some people are single
this comes forcibly to their attention 

others are not single 

on this day that celebrates their love, some are wondering when he's going to surprise them with something other than the whitmer sampler box of chocolates and a dumbass pink stuffed bear from walmart that sings 'wild thing' 

......they are now realizing that this is, indeed, 'it,' as their significant other pushes their head in the vague direction of a penis 

this significant other will soon realize that they get much more enthusiastic blowjobs when she is drunk and horny than when he has thoughtfully surprised her with a whitmer sampler box of chocolates and a dumbass pink stuffed bear from walmart that sings 'wild thing' 

there are others who realize that their significant other is not able to be with them
they are thinking about the implications of this very hard right now 

this february 14th 

we, the single of the united states, smile
the next few days will be hell for everyone else

<3 jen

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Wednesday, February 13th, 2008
10:44 pm - happy valentine's day, biatches

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Monday, February 11th, 2008
8:38 pm - senior sem (somewhat paraphrased, but the gist is there....)
Dr. Metraux: "So what is this 'gender bending?' Male/mail men dressing as ladies? American male/mail men dressing as Asians?"
Dr. Walker: "No no no, they are Japanese men who wear dresses."
Dr. Douglass: ".......like David Bowie."
Dr. Metraux: "Wait, so......what?"
Dr. Walker: "Like rock stars have been doing for the past forty years."
Dr. Douglass: "Mmmhmmm."
Dr. Metraux: "Wait......well, maybe for you younger......"
Dr. Arbulu: "Laike ohn de 'MTVs'"
Dr. Metraux: "Wait, MTV is still on?"
Dr. Arbulu: "Yais. Ohn channel 26."
Dr. Metraux: "We get MTV here?"
Dr. Arbulu: "Yais."
Dr. Metraux: "So....they're gay, or...?"
Dr. Douglass: "So you see, students, that we have our very own Metraux-sexual here...."
Dr. Metraux: "I don't get it."

Several seconds later, as Leia Atwell continues to be ignored by the professors during her presentation.....

Dr. Metraux: "Wait. So what IS gender-bending?"
Dr. Arbulu: *slaps forehead and sighs audibly*

And the sesame cookies are passed around the room again......

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Saturday, February 9th, 2008
5:20 pm
It has recently come to my attention that the turkey vultures that roost over by one of the Staunton health clinics have taken to circling over Baldwin.

I told Shona scene-kid replacement (who was working at the library when I checked out 'Nosferatu' and 'Slingblade')about this, and it turns out that she and Shona/Dylan* scene kid/tranny replacement were playing guitar on Cannon Hill when they spotted the same vultures, and ended up chasing them.

Aside from this, there are really two things to say about these turkey vultures, from my point of view:

A)It isn't a very good omen/sign to regularly have vultures circling over my head as the time of my thesis draws nearer, and:

B)A new hobby of mine will probably be 'vulture baiting.' I already half-assed** it by lying down and playing dead on the hill in front of Hunt for a little while, but I think I want to make a full day of it sometime, complete with fake blood and a sign for people to leave me alone, as I am vulture bait and if I sit up to talk with them or tell them to go away, the vultures will catch on that I am not actually dead. This new hobby will probably take precedence over working on my thesis, so refer to statement 'A.' Three cheers for self-fulfilling prophecies.

*Either 'Shylan' or 'Dona.' Or 'Sholan.'
**Ell Jay spell check recommends that 'ass ed' go here. While that would make the sentence infinitely better, it changes the meaning somewhat.

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Sunday, January 27th, 2008
10:31 am
"I love Iowa, a whole lot."
-Huckabee

Don't you just LOVE eloquence in leading presidential candidates?
.......And monosyllabic sentences?

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Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008
11:11 am - it's just one of those days (a 'hopefully a snow day' day)




In The Know: Is The Government Spying On Paranoid Schizophrenics Enough?

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Sunday, January 13th, 2008
2:08 pm - dying :(
So the oldest gecko in the world is dying. I don't know how old she is in gecko years, but she's over 26 years old in people years. She's a tokay gecko, so as far as geckos go, she's kind of a bitchy one,* but I will miss her (even though she never really did anything except lurk in a big terrarium and eat cat food and try to bite people through the glass). My first word ever was 'gecko,' so I guess you could even say that she inspired me to speak. It's weird that she's dying; she had sort of gained symbolic immortal status, like Steve Erwin.

*Tokays are evil; they've been known to bite people's shoes so hard that they crack their own skulls and die.

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Monday, January 7th, 2008
9:12 pm - Surreal Pizza Experience NOT involving pirate-Santa Shteeve or the big scary foreign delivery man
So, I order a pizza. From Papa John's. Large, extra cheese, pepperoni. Nothing special, but I may have made some random sarcastic/smartass remark or other. The middle-aged delivery lady turns up, and says something to the effect of 'Want to meet a cute guy?' I am confused. I say so. She tells me the order-taking pizza guy is named Brian and thought I sounded hot or something and wanted her to give him my number. I pay her and continue to be confused. She continues to say that she offered him the delivery job, but he wigged out and wouldn't do it. I laugh to illustrate my confusion. She leaves, but not before saying 'Well, his name's 'Brian,' if you ever see him, and you're about the same age.'

I return inside with my pizza, and eat in turmoil for a few minutes, then start gmail-chatting with 'Thrine about the incident. It becomes very apparent to the both of us that this situation, while hilarious, has potential to be much more hilarious. I call the pizza place again, and get 'Jeremy.' 'Jeremy' is not 'Brian.' I contemplate this as 'Jeremy' asks if I'd like to try their specials. I don't know if any of you have actually called a delivery place with no intention of buying anything, but there is absolutely no way to smoothly distract the person taking your order into not taking any order for anything. I reply with a gigantoid pause, then ".................no." I follow up with "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........changed my mind," and hang up. I update Catherine with this, then she tries to get me to call back. Instead, I get her to call the pizza place, and ask for 'Brian.' From Atlanta.

(to be continued on Catherine's lj)
http://users.livejournal.com/call_me_doctor_/164655.html

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Tuesday, December 11th, 2007
9:45 pm - surfing wikipedia
Choice phrases and facts that have come to light, as links from an initial search for 'rabies':

Testicular claw-
A version of a clawhold in which a wrestler will grab hold of an opponent by the testicles and squeeze. This is an illegal attack mainly used by wrestlers to gain the upper hand on their opponents and is an offense punishable by disqualification. Ric Flair has popularized the use of this move.

In March 2001 in Germany, Armin Meiwes posted an Internet ad asking for "a well built 18 to 30 year old to be slaughtered and consumed". The ad was answered by Jürgen Armando Brandes. After killing and eating Brandes, Meiwes was convicted of manslaughter and later, murder. The song "Mein Teil" by Rammstein is based on this.

This article is about the act of befriending and influencing a child with the intent of sexually abusing the child. For grooming to improve appearance or hygiene, see Personal grooming.

Penguin sweaters, also known as penguin jumpers are sweaters which are knitted for penguins

Neighbors described him as being very strange, having a "sparkly look" and he obviously indicated that he is mentally distorted.

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